Self-sabotage, unconscious failure, screwing up, messing up, doubts, fears, guilt... Does that mean anything to you?
And you, do you often self-sabotage? Are you even a pro at self-sabotage?
This evening I went to my usual theater rehearsal.
An almost weekly ritual. We find ourselves in the darkness of the room. It is a space outside of time. Special relationships. An energy different from everyday life. A space that took me a long time to tame because I didn't feel legitimate to belong there.
Like playing music, acting in the theater took on a mystery that seemed impossible to pierce for someone not born from the thigh of Jupiter. So, obviously, I, simply coming out of my mother's womb, did not attribute much merit to myself, nor an exceptional nature.
However, I have now been playing regularly in the theater for ten years and almost as much as I play the guitar.
Today, I am an actress and musician. (And what's more, I write it in big letters)
“Actress”, “musician”… Allowing myself to use these words about myself without trembling took time. A lot of time. A long road to get out of the imposter syndrome that I had since childhood and which increased during adolescence. Since my first unconfessed artistic aspirations.
This Monday evening, therefore, I found my group with a slight headache reminding me that the rest time that I had planned to give myself before the session had gone by the wayside. As is so often the case, I flitted from one thing to another without taking the time to stop. In addition to the fatigue and the headache that were slowly taking hold, I felt weighed down by a feeling of guilt: once again, as too often, I did not revise my text.
And 4 days before a weekend of three performances, it's starting to be critical.
The spinning begins and I obviously get caught up in the mix of lines that get mixed up. And my inner speech screams “But why, why haven’t you reviewed your text AGAIN!” Plus, you're on vacation! You have no excuse! What's your f***ing problem? ". (Yes, when he doesn't have a Quebec accent, a distortion due to my studies in the school of Lise Bourbeau, my ego is also likely to speak to me in English. Especially when there is reason to swear.)
Why, yes, why?
For what Do we sometimes do things absolutely contrary to our real desires and needs? Why* Are we setting ourselves up, despite ourselves, for failure? Por qué* this self-sabotage? Perched* Do you agree to see this man again when you know full well that he will not be able to truly make you happy? Or that woman who treats you so badly and to whom you run as soon as she gives you a crumb of attention? Warum* Are you procrastinating in this project that is so important to you? なぜ* Are you jeopardizing your romantic relationship by staying in this vicious spiral of arguments? Почему* Aren't you going to see what is hidden behind these behaviors?
Perhaps firstly because you are not aware of it.
What if we took stock together?
In the space of my office, or online, I invite you to come and take a moment for yourself, to sort it all out. A moment for explore your emotions. There's self-sabotage and there's lots of other things. There is what you want, what you don't want. What you do, what you don't do. Why do you do it. Why don't you do it. What you know, what you feel, what is hidden under layers of habits and erroneous beliefs... And the list is long enough to get lost. In the middle of all this, it is night, it is dark.
But you are not alone.
My role is precisely to direct the light to the right place. To help you grasp the right thread, which, as it unravels, will put many things back in their rightful place. In the respect, gentleness and kindness that we all need to move towards our own light.
What if something else was possible?
I'll let you think about it with the sweet and joyful melody of Mathieu Des Longchamps 🎼 Tenemos todo (version Deezer).
I am Coralie, a relationship consultant, at the service of your personal and romantic development. And I tell you: see you soon.
Here is a short article from psychologist.net if you want to dig into the subject.
*Do you really need a translation? 😉
